AT THE ER
The ER doctor shuffled into the room looking disheveled, worn out even. Most likely he was halfway into a double shift and just wanted to go home. Of course, ever since I started watching Grey’s Anatomy I’m suspicious of all hospital doctors. I mean, if I’m to believe the show, every chance these people get they are humping each other in supply closets, in bathrooms, inside of ambulances. You name it, if it is wider than three feet and has questionable lighting most likely a doctor or nurse are bumping uglies in there. After reading my chart and asking a few questions the Dr. informed me that he had to perform a rectal exam. Looking around the room he then declared, “I don’t see my size gloves. I’ll be back.” HOLY CRAP! Did he just use the Terminator line on me? Please Dr., let me wait here with bated breath while you go and get the proper size gloves to cover your cold, android-like hands. Once he left I quickly glanced at my wife and then motioned over to the counter. On top were boxes of gloves: SMALL / MEDIUM / LARGE. I started praying: Please be EXTRA-SMALL, please be EXTRA-SMALL, please be EXTRA-SMALL. Moments later the Dr. obliterated my hopes when he returned carrying a box of EXTRA-LARGE examination gloves. Do you know that sound gloves make? The “snap” of the rubber against the doctor’s wrist. Yeah, every time I hear that sound I pretty much throw-up in my mouth a little bit.